For someone who has zero clue on where to start, I have come pretty far. When I first got engaged, I really didn’t like that rush of responsibility that it came with almost immediately. Two days in and I broke down.
“Is this what it feels to be engaged?”
“Are you seriously telling me that this is the one day that every girl has been waiting for? Then, I would want to take it all back. Rewind please.”
Rocky and I have only been together a little shy of 3 months before we got engaged. I have always joked “Damn, we’re like Lamar and Khloe”, and Rocky would joke back “as long as we don’t end up like them!” So, trust me when I say that this engagement shocked us and our families.
Once I calmed down a little, I told myself that this was what I’ve been praying for – the next step to adulthood. I am financially independent, I am very detached from my family (because they have their own lives and I have my own) and at a point in my life, I felt like I was ready for something new. That’s the thing… When you ask for something and you pray hard for it, you’re going to get it. Sometimes in a form that is so foreign.
A few people have asked me to share my journey in planning for this wedding. I certainly don’t want to jinx it or anything but I do know a handful of you still read my blog from time to time. Because I don’t review any new makeup anymore, I guess I can contribute on what occupies my life these days – wedding planning, maintaining my online businesses and keeping myself sane.
So, say you recently got engaged. Before doing anything to rash (because I have made some rash decisions), it’s good to sit down with
- Your partner
- Your parents
to talk about their (and your) expectations from this wedding. I did it in that order.
Do they/you want a big wedding? Or do you want a small one? Or a destination wedding?
What’s the realistic budget that you see yourself putting into the wedding? (Remember, it’s a one day event)
How much budget will each side come up with?
Do you want anything else leading to the wedding? (Bachelorette? Prewed? Sangjit? etc etc)
Do we have to accommodate to anyone? Say a grandma who can’t travel
Do we need a wedding planner?
Do we care a lot about people’s experiences in our wedding?
What traditions do we want to follow? Do we even need to follow them? (Eg picking out a good date for the wedding, etc)
Who are you trying to impress?
After all, sometimes weddings (as we already know) are just not about ourselves but it’s for our families too). I try to get my parents involved as much as I allow them to, but always reminding them that it’s my special day and ga mau yang ribet2.
I know this all can be overwhelming at first, but remember this – you will not always get what you want.
My advice is to set your expectations really low unless budget is unlimited. They say when you have $$$, everything can be done in a blink of an eye. But $$$ is $$$$$$$$x1000 in the wedding industry. They suck you dry for that one night because everyone’s trying to compete with everyone in terms of showing who can afford this this and this. Ego is an ugly thing sometimes, if you think about it clearly. But hey, who am I to judge, right?
Weddings are not meant to be like “Damn I paid this much and I don’t even enjoy a single moment of it” or “I paid this and it’s not what I want”… because chances are it’s never going to be enough. I also really disagree with people telling me to book everything in lightning speed… Because all this is not a race at the end. They get booked out fast = they think they’re in demand = they raise their prices… Weddings are just going to get more and more expensive. To a damn ridiculous amount.
Don’t compare your wedding to someone else’s. Don’t also give peanuts and expect a castle. Because at the end of the day, it’s really just for one day and several pictures you post on Instagram with a couple hundred likes. No one’s going to remember what your wedding dress is like, no one’s going to remember what flowers you use in your bouquet… But do everything for yourself, because they won’t remember. A big possibility… You probably won’t too. So take things lightly.
This part is just getting yourself mentally prepared. Hypothetically this would just be the flour in the cake mixture. I still have lots to cover. But please take my words lightly, I won’t say I’m definitely right. I’m still learning too. We’re in this together 🙂 To all future brides, good luck on your prep too!