Perhaps you’ll never read this. I sure hope mami doesn’t show it to you. It’s 11.27pm in GZ right now and I’m awake bawling my eyes out.
I’m lonely. At times like this I really hope there’s someone out there I can pick up the phone and call. It’s not that I don’t, but … I know no one would understand.
No one would understand the lengths you’d go for me. From arranging tickets for my Singapore bazaar to my work trip, from buying me lunch to walking to whole of the bazaar to find out what sells the best so it can be my next project, from filling out all my immigration forms to making sure I bring the right suitcase and always making sure I know the lock combination. And from left to right.
To be honest Dad, I’ve never notice all these you did for me. In fact, I almost let all these slide and a part of me thinks that it’s your job to do all that for me because you’re my Dad. I’m arrogant in a way because I didn’t realize that you didn’t have to do all that. I am an adult, I should be thrown out to this wild thing called life without help and I know you’d want to see me survive.
You never spoke a word of love. But your actions do.
Thank you Dad. I will never be able to say this in person, but thank you. There are days I overlook what you’ve done for me. People might say you’re the most cuek/care less person but they’re not entirely correct. You care so much for me. You’d do so many things for me that you would not do or even care to do for other people. I know you don’t even like to carry your luggages but you’d carry mine.
My heart breaks every time I see you struggling to walk after a tired day. My heart breaks every time I see you being helpless because you can’t say no. My heart breaks whenever you fall asleep watching TV even when you’re tired just so you can stay awake next to me.
Ultimately, my heart breaks for me. One day, I need to know and understand that even though you never say “I love you” to me, your actions say otherwise and I need to convince myself each time that you do.
I love you dad, please take good care of yourself. You’re my favorite drinking buddy, you’re my silent hero.
P.S. I’m trying so hard to find a future partner that will definitely get along with you. But then again, you get along with everyone.
You’re the best.