He started a joke…

So let me tell you how it will all turn out –

I know how you’re feeling right now. Trust me, I know. Yeah, sure… He’s definitely sorry, but not because he hurt you, but because he got caught. Because of the guilt, he’ll try to “make it up to you”, saying that you are “the one for him” and that it’s all a rookie mistake (because if he’s THAT good, he wouldn’t get caught, right?).

He’ll even create this image of the girl being bi-polar or even worse, say that it was the girl’s idea. “I don’t love her. She’s not you,” he would say repeatedly, making you feel a tad bit special but deep down you know that it shouldn’t have happened in the first place if what he said was true.

He’ll try to make you feel like it’s no big deal, that he’ll not stay in contact with her and it’s all a big mistake. Of course it’s a mistake, he should have known from the first place. He should have known that it will hurt you.

But… no. He’s too selfish for that. Anything for temporary and short term pleasure, right? That’s how selfish people are.

But you’re not selfish.

From here you’ll think whether there’s any way out of this. All you see is foggy crossroads, making it harder to choose where to go and what decisions to make for yourself.

Soon after, you’ll feel like every other decisions you have to make involving him would be easily swayed because, hey, you are the bigger person to forgive and forget, right? Some days you’ll wake up and you’ll wonder what on Earth he must be thinking and why you’re ever not enough for him. Some days you’ll catch yourself thinking about the girl, whether she is how he described her to be – a total mess who wanted to be taken advantage of. Some days you’ll feel like you don’t even know yourself, you’ll hate yourself for ever forgiving someone like that because it’ll probably happen again in the future and your friends will say “I told you so”, but you sigh and brush it off because you “love” him.

But really, you may love him, but does he feel the same about you? Again, is losing yourself worth the love he’s praised and talked about? Do you love him more than you love yourself?

There will be days you wake up so angry that you have forgiven him. That every little mistake that you may or may not deliberately have caused will be forgiven because… hey, what he did was worst and you’re not going to go down to his level. You think every little action from now on will be excused because he’s set a benchmark of what’s the worst one can do. But are you really about all that? Ask yourself – are you? Put love aside for a second and think of how it can emotionally damage you. Besides, what is love? What is love to you at this point? You will find yourself questioning that a lot. As he puts it, there isn’t such thing as love. It’s all just for show. Self-love, he believes. But love? Nah.

Let me tell you how it will turn out because I used to be in your shoes. You will rip yourself open one day and you will not be able to know what you stand for anymore. And this relationship? From my experience, you will find it so hard to trust him. Every time he goes missing, your mind wanders where he could be, who he’s with and what he’s doing. It killed me once to be like that and I felt that I lost a part of myself.

It all because he started a joke which left the whole world crying, but he didn’t see that the joke is on him.

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