Freefalling

27 unanswered calls later, I am convinced this is a done deal. A little extreme? Yeh, that’s me.

I wonder most times, what happens after? After a sip of martini and a few giggles here and there, after a night out when all we did was sit at the bar, just us two, ignoring the reckless teenagers making out, after the cuddle at his most sacred, personal space, after this… Where do I go?

No goodbyes, no more no less. Nothing.

27 unanswered calls later. I wonder why I’ve become like this, back to where I was. The person I hate.

I can feel myself spiraling down into that dark hole. That dark hole I’ve been trying to get myself out of.

I can feel these invisible ropes, getting tighter and tighter each time, the familiar ropes pulling me from behind as I grasp for air.

What is it like to be in my head? Only if you knew, you’d go crazy too.

I often question what’s the matter with me. Some days I’m good, some days I’m not doing the best. Bi-polar? Is that what they call it?

I’m impulsive. I’m indecisive. I’m moody. I’m reluctant. I’m extreme. I’m irresponsible. Some even call me crazy and a handful. But I am, I admit it. I admit it and I want to change. But I don’t know where to start.

What was I craving for? A fulfillment of a promise?

Is it me? Am I fully at fault? Or is it because I’ve always had a taste for the wrong kind?

 

I guess only time could tell.

 

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